fourinthemorning
14/10/2009
Courtesy of notalwaysright.com
- Customer: “Yeah, I want the large pepperoni.”
- Cashier: “For here?”
- Customer: “Yeah.”
- Cashier: “Would you like anything with that?”
- Customer: “Yeah, let me have the spaghetti dinner.”
- Cashier: “Oh, did you want that instead of the pizza?”
- Customer: “Naw, I want the pizza too. Can I get extra garlic bread?”
- Cashier: “Um, sure.”
- Customer: “Sweet. Can I also get one of them open-faced sandwiches? The roast beef and cheese…and can you add some sausage to the sandwich too?
- Cashier: “Yeah…”
- Customer: “…and a salad. What kind of salad do you have?”
- Cashier: “Well, we have a small side salad, or a larger dinner salad…”
- Customer: “Well…”
- Me: *speaking over the counter* “We also have the antipasto salad! It’s pretty big!”
- Customer: “Yeah! I want that!”
- Cashier: “Um…is there anything else?”
- Customer: *looks around, and sees the bags of potato chips on
- display* “Yeah, those look good. Give me two bags of chips!”
- Cashier: “Okay…is there anything else?”
- Customer: “Naw, I think that’s it.”
- Cashier: “Do you need us to box up any of this to go?”
- Customer: “Naw.”
- Cashier: “Will you have anything to drink with this?”
- Customer: “Oh yeah, I totally forgot! I’ll have a small Coke!”
Conversation posted at 11:15
16/09/2009
true story...
- Dude: But I don't <i>want</i> to go see Dogman!
- Son of Satan: What do you want to die of, boredom?
- Dude: ...I'll go.
Conversation posted at 09:33
14/09/2009
- Cute Kid: I wanna go on that elevator!
- His Brother: Yeah, let's go on the alligator!
- Mom: I don't want to go on an alligator...
- Kid: He SAID elevator!
- Mom: We're taking the stairs.
Conversation posted at 16:31
28/08/2009
- Girl #1: Get your hand out of your crotch!
- Girl #2: It's not in my crotch!
- Girl #1: Yeah, well it's in my way!
- Girl #2: (laughs)
- Girl #1: No, no, no, no! Wait! No!
Conversation posted at 12:13
- Girl: So Jack sucked my thumb today.
- Friends: Really?
- Girl: Yeah, he sucked my thumb, then wiped his snot on my arm, licked my leg, and told me he wanted to go to the office.
- (<a href="http: //www.overheardeverywhere.com/archives/006826.html" target="new">via</a>
Conversation posted at 11:55
26/08/2009
- Girl #1: Girl, I am pregnant.
- Girl #2: Do you know who the daddy is?
- Girl #1: No!
- Girl #2: Girl, my doctor told me that when I sleep with a man, to write it on the calendar, so if I get pregnant they can try to find the daddy!
- via <a href="http: //www.overheardeverywhere.com/archives/006807.html" target="new">Overheard Everywhere</a>
Conversation posted at 07:03
21/08/2009
true story.
- Me: All of my socks are quitters :-(
- Mom: All 843 pairs?
- Me: Only the forty or so I am not embarrassed to be seen wearing in public.
Conversation posted at 08:04
12/08/2009
Pervvy Wanker, via Micah
So… to answer the sixty-four thousand dollar question, “is the internet making us stuipder?” Perhaps… (well, it is unfair to blame the internet, there have always been stupid people but now have a vast, unlimited outlet for said stupidity… yes, that’s it…)
Photo posted at 08:53
10/08/2009
[overheardeverywhere.com]
- Husband, reading aloud from newspaper: Honey, did you know that women use an average of 30,000 words a day, while men only use 15,000?
- Wife: That's probably because we have repeat everything to men.
- Husband: What?
Conversation posted at 10:43
[overheardeverywhere.com]
- Teen #1: I could fuck your sister.
- Teen #2: Yeah? Well, I could fuck a horse.
- Teen #1: No you couldn't.
- Teen #2: Why not?
- Teen #1: You can't just sneak up on a horse and fuck it in the ass.
- Teen #2: I wouldn't sneak up on it, I'd let it know I was there.
- Teen #1: You'll get kicked in the face. And you'll die.
- Teen #2, quietly: Whatever, dude... Just don't fuck my sister!
Conversation posted at 10:37
17/07/2009
- Smoker girl: How did you get that scrape on your arm? Inked boy: Well, TJ picked me up in the parking lot the other night after the club, like literally, picked me up and carried me over to Halfbreed, and threw me to him, but Halfbreed didn't know what was going on and so we both fell over. Smoker girl: Ouch. Inked boy: So apparently, all it takes to knock him down is a hundred-thirty-five pound Italian projectile surprise. Smoker girl: Do you stay awake at night thinking of these little quips? Or do they just come to you in moments of genius? Inked boy: No, I thought of it that night. I've just been waiting to use it.
Conversation posted at 15:58
14/07/2009
(908): bl l w
(201): this should be fun to decipher. I’d like to buy a vowel.
Text posted at 09:17
[overheardeverywhere.com]
- Professor: Isaac Newton, on his deathbed, was proud to announce that he was a virgin. So if any of you want to be famous scientists, you are going to have to be willing to make a few sacrifices.
- Girl, raising hand: Um.
- Professor: Oh, is it too late?
Conversation posted at 09:14
(250): Ask me how many people I’ve slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
(1-250): I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Text posted at 08:22
(310): Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
(312): Kristina got the same text from you just now, she’s sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Text posted at 08:21
